Rethinking Christmas

The holiday season is upon us and I've been avoiding the mall like the plague. I will never understand why people go hogwild crazy at this time of year. It's supposed to be about love and family and community but somehow it ends up being about aquiring more stuff and showing off said stuff. Where did we go wrong?

When I was a kid, Christmas morning was hit or miss. Sometimes we had gifts under the tree. Sometimes we didn't. I fully understood that my single mother was barely able to feed us and keep a roof over our heads, let alone provide gifts at Christmas. Yet, I still longed for that feeling of tearing into neatly wrapped presents on Christmas morning because everyone else was doing it. I knew that when I went to my grandma's house my other cousins would be dressed in their new clothes and playing with their new toys. I knew that when I returned to school after the holiday break, my classmates would be talking about all the things they got for Christmas. It was always a time where I felt like an "other." I didn't fit in and everyone made me painfully aware of it.

I can't stand Christmas to this day. I'm an adult woman and the sound of Christmas music makes my ill. I literally want to throw up when I hear it. Every horrible feeling I have ever felt about growing up poor and being teased about it is associated with Christmas. It is like a constant reminder that I was never good enough for people to accept me as a child.

So much has changed in my life since childhood and you would never know my story by looking at me on an average day. That is the miracle of serving God. He truly healed me from some serious anger, hurt and brokenness. That is why I want to start rethinking my attitude toward Christmas. It's about the gift of Jesus and God's desire to reconnect with man. I celebrate that relationship and restoration, so I should be able to celebrate Christmas.

I plan to make rethinking Christmas a priority in the coming year. I want to celebrate next year as if it were my first Christmas.