breaking up with disappointment

i dealt with a lot of disappointment growing up. i was disappointed that i grew up poor. i was disappointed that my father just never got it together to be there for us. i was disappointed that he made so many broken promises. i was disappointed that i was never as pretty as the other girls. i was disappointed that my mother was overweight. i was disappointed that my mother didn't seem to be happy that she had us. i was disappointed that i didn't really fit in at school. i was disappointed that i had hideous acne and dreadful hair. i was disappointed that the guy i was head over heels in love with never loved me back. i was disappointed that college wasn't quite the experience i was promised. i was disappointed that life didn't change much after college. i was always disappointed.

as an adult, i still found myself dealing with disappointment. i was disappointed that i had to work twice as hard to get promoted. i was disappointed that everyone seemed to be getting married but me and my friends. i was disappointed that my family didn't value education at all and i was watching another generation of dummies embarking on adulthood. i was disappointed that my love life never improved. i was disappointed that i still had acne!

the thing with disappointment is its inevitability. when we expect things, and those things don't happen, we get disappointed. vicious cycle, it is. but i have a dislike for futile cycles. some cycles are necessary - such as the cycle of life - but many cycles we endure are pointless. this cycle of disappointment has me at my wits end. i've decided i'm breaking up with disappointment.

say what? where they do that at? in my life that's where! i'm making a decision that instead of getting disappointed when my expectations aren't met, i'm going to focus on being grateful that things are working in my favor all around me. the hand of God is on my life no matter what and i'm going to choose to focus on that. i know now that i will fall short. falling short is also inevitable! but the thing about falling is you can always get back up again. so, i'm going to make it a priority this year to stop dwelling on my disappointments and start thanking god for how magnificent he has been in my life.

last year was such a hard year for me in so many ways. but it ended on a great note. i have been showered with his favor. if i can't be grateful for that, i don't deserve his goodness. i'm aware that i'm never going to deserve his goodness, mercy, grace or love. but i know that a grateful heart is a joyful heart and the joy of the lord is our strength.

so, disappointment, we had a good run you and i. but it's over. i can't stand the stink of you or the feel of you or the sight of you. i'm breaking up with you. and whenever i feel you trying to creep back into my life, i'm going to make a quick top 10 list of things i'm grateful for that day. yep, it's on like donkey kong!