the opposite of funny

i missed my blogging date last night because i was busy skyping with my bestie about life and how the place we find ourselves today, at this very moment (last night of course) was so not funny we couldn't help but laugh. in fact, i'd say somethings in our life are so not funny, they are the exact opposite of funny. and yet, after crying, screaming, and lamenting about it all, we found ourselves laughing!

so here's the thing, we are generally happy women who have pursued our educational and career goals without apology. we dance like no one is watching, laugh until our sides hurt, love deeply and completely enjoy life. hey, someone's gotta do it! but at the end of a hard day - a career woman has many of these by the way - it's a reality that we come home to empty houses. some days, that stings more than i'd like to admit.

i joke with my married friends with children that i'll be 40 going to kindergarten for the first time while they are dealing with teenagers. the thing is that at 32 (i know that's not old, yet) i'm no spring chicken. and since i'm not currently moving toward marriage with anyone, i could very easily be 3 years down the line giving birth. i won't entertain the thought of it being longer. mostly because i really will cry.

it's disheartening at this point. what decisions exactly have led me to this place in life? i'm not the type of career woman who decided to delay a family in favor of career advancement. in fact, i've been more than open to love. it just hasn't found me yet. so in the meantime, i was about the business of living my life. and i live! i travel, i watch and play sports, i enjoy music, i volunteer, i mentor and i socialize on the regular. and when i need downtime, i'm not sure anyone does it better than me!

so, what's a girl to do when she finds herself in a place where most things in her life are going just fine but a few key areas seem distant and out of reach? she laughs to overcome the pain and disappointment. because it's not funny, it's the opposite of funny.