cry it out, walk it out

now that i have cried for most of the evening i have to take some tylenol so i can sleep. my sissy is in the hospital and her cancer has spread throughout her entire body. my natural inclination is to cry (which i did in droves) and panic (which i did briefly) and get angry (which i'm still fighting) and resolve to fight (i'm getting there!). this entire ordeal has been hard. she was diagnosed two months ago and it is not stage 4!!! accepting the facts right now are hard. she's 33. she's so young and beautiful and married with three children. this shouldn't be happening. i'm in shock.

but it is happening. and she has dropped down to 105 lbs and she can't eat and she's tired and she's ... oh hell, it's trying to take her out. but my faith says i serve a god who said cry out to me and i will answer you. ask me and i will give it unto you. psalms 30:2 says o lord my god, i cried to you and you healed me. i need to encounter that god. the god who heals, the god who hears, the god who answers, that is the god i need to show up in my sister's life right now. my relationship with god has been such that he does indeed show up. there has not been a time when i haven't cried out and been answered.

so i'm crying out on behalf of my sister and i'm trusting and believing and standing in faith that my god, who answers when i call, who heals when i ask, will meet her even now, as she lays in that bed with cancer eating away at her body. i command it to line up with the power and authority granted to me through the shed blood of jesus, my savior and my king. i need that healing to manifest in her body. i need that miracle power to show up. because if her body can't be healed by the blood that jesus shed, than his death was in vain. and my entire faith system rests on his blood leading to my deliverance from sickness, disease and poverty.

so god, i don't know you to be a failure. i only know you as a success. and i'm calling out to you. i know you hear and i know you have the power to heal. i know you have the power to deliver. i know you have the power to restore. i am asking for that power to show up.