why why why? today was such a great day, i mean awesome, so why did i have to hear those words and it haunt me into the early hours of the morning? sigh.
today, i got a compliment from the jerk that yelled at me in a meeting just last week. he applauded my creativity and gave complete buy in to my project idea. it made me happy. it made the day awesome.
then i met up with my friend to work on a project and we had dinner and chopped it up like we usually do. she's moving and i'll miss her greatly! but there was that one conversation that made the wheels in my mind spin and completely changed my head space.
the entire way home i thought about those words and what they could mean. i have a tendency to let the creative part of my brain take over sometimes so let's just say my imagination lost its mind. the thoughts and likely conversations that formed had me distraught. i realize it's all in my mind, there is no way to know what will actually happen, but i managed to develop some scenarios none the less. and they aren't pretty.
dang. not sure how i'm going to sleep. or not think about it. i have so much to get done this weekend and plenty - more than plenty - to keep me busy this weekend. and yet, my mind is on the fact that i heard those words and it changed everything. do i actually matter? at all? how much? will it ever mean anything? ugh. i'd scream if i knew it would help. need to get my head space back right. and on that note, goodnight.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
creative juices are flowing
today i completed the script for my latest video project for work. it's a shakespeare piece that tells the story of our product in elizabethian english. i wasn't sure how it would go over, and our toughest critic is yet to view it, but the response was great. and i'm feeling great about it.
i'm a creative person. highly creative. i just don't think like the average person. i love that about me. i love that god made me different that way. and i enjoy putting that creativity to work. i really enjoy helping my company to make money and gain exposure by putting my creativity to work. but it doesn't always go hand and hand. in fact, i've said it many times that i feel my job sucking my creativity on a daily basis. lately things have been better and it's in large part to the departure of my previous boss. he's a great guy - very caring and all that - but his desire to be anywhere but with that company just made for a horrible work environment and no matter what i did i couldn't shake the feeling of dread that greeted me each morning before heading into the office.
an attitude adjustment goes a long way for vanquishing the miseries. and to be clear, they must be vanquished. as i learned on tuesday, turbulence is guaranteed but misery is optional. a person focused on doing things for others will find it hard to be misery. and doing things for others keeps you inspired and in touch with your creativity. it really does all go together. so, cheers to the return of my creativity an hat tip to shakespeare for serving as such great, and clever and witty inspiration!
i'm a creative person. highly creative. i just don't think like the average person. i love that about me. i love that god made me different that way. and i enjoy putting that creativity to work. i really enjoy helping my company to make money and gain exposure by putting my creativity to work. but it doesn't always go hand and hand. in fact, i've said it many times that i feel my job sucking my creativity on a daily basis. lately things have been better and it's in large part to the departure of my previous boss. he's a great guy - very caring and all that - but his desire to be anywhere but with that company just made for a horrible work environment and no matter what i did i couldn't shake the feeling of dread that greeted me each morning before heading into the office.
an attitude adjustment goes a long way for vanquishing the miseries. and to be clear, they must be vanquished. as i learned on tuesday, turbulence is guaranteed but misery is optional. a person focused on doing things for others will find it hard to be misery. and doing things for others keeps you inspired and in touch with your creativity. it really does all go together. so, cheers to the return of my creativity an hat tip to shakespeare for serving as such great, and clever and witty inspiration!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
and he leads me beside the quiet streams
peace. uncomprehendable peace. the kind that allows you to rest when the world around you is in turmoil. the kind that allows you to relax when everything is lapsing into chaos. peace. uncomprehendable peace. i'm seeking that kind of peace.
i'm praying for the ability to be moved by faith and not by sight. i'm praying for the ability to trust when i have a word but nothing else. i'm praying to rest when i don't know or understand. i'm praying to be courageous as i face a battle where victory seems unobtainable. i'm not there today. i tend to fret over things i have no control over. i get anxious when things don't move in my time. i worry when i don't know the outcome. or i should say, i used to. because today, i'm letting god lead me beside the quiet streams where i find rest and peace and serenity.
because the lord is my shepherd, i have everything i need. he makes me to rest in the meadows grass. and he leads me beside the quiet streams.
i'm praying for the ability to be moved by faith and not by sight. i'm praying for the ability to trust when i have a word but nothing else. i'm praying to rest when i don't know or understand. i'm praying to be courageous as i face a battle where victory seems unobtainable. i'm not there today. i tend to fret over things i have no control over. i get anxious when things don't move in my time. i worry when i don't know the outcome. or i should say, i used to. because today, i'm letting god lead me beside the quiet streams where i find rest and peace and serenity.
because the lord is my shepherd, i have everything i need. he makes me to rest in the meadows grass. and he leads me beside the quiet streams.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
if it is to be it's up to me
yep, i attended the get motivated seminar like 10k other seattleites and let me say it was awesome. a well spent vacation day to be sure. i definitely got some much needed words of wisdom and motivation to make things happen. of all the speakers: Colin Powell, Bill Cosby, Jack Smith, Rudy Guiliani, Dan Rather; they all had a unifying them. you control your destiny so man/woman up!
the greatest take away i got from the day was from howard putnam of southwest airlines. he said turbulence is inevitable but misery is optional. that hit home with me because i was completely miserable at work for an entire year. that misery was affecting all of my relationships and unfortunately, some of my friends didn't show themselves friendly. it's all good though. i learned to release my frustration with work and pray for the victory i wanted. i got my victory. and now it's time for my new job! afterall, some play the game and others change the way the game is played. i'm a game changer. god called me to be a game changer. so, if it's to be, it's up to me. time to change the game and make it happen!
the greatest take away i got from the day was from howard putnam of southwest airlines. he said turbulence is inevitable but misery is optional. that hit home with me because i was completely miserable at work for an entire year. that misery was affecting all of my relationships and unfortunately, some of my friends didn't show themselves friendly. it's all good though. i learned to release my frustration with work and pray for the victory i wanted. i got my victory. and now it's time for my new job! afterall, some play the game and others change the way the game is played. i'm a game changer. god called me to be a game changer. so, if it's to be, it's up to me. time to change the game and make it happen!
Monday, June 6, 2011
starting off on the wrong foot
i haven't started june off quite right as i've missed several blogging dates because i was out socializing and trying to have a life. it's no excuse for failing to get my writing in. i need to get to a point where i blog like my life depends on it because one day i want to earn a living as a professional writer. i want to be able to raise my babies at home rather than in daycare so i must write! hopefully hubby is doing well enough to support us but still, i want to do my part.
so i'm gonna do better. tomorrow i'm going to the get motivated seminar. i don't think i need the motivation as much as the discipline to complete my tasks. but that brings me to the point of this blog. actually the title has little to do with my reason for blogging today. i had a conversation with my friend about men here being so accomplished at a young age. i found that interesting because she clearly equates financial wealth with accomplishment. i see it totally differently. so during conversation i pointed out that many of the men do well financially because of their chosen field. but they aren't decision makers on their jobs and they aren't actively serving in their community. leaving a legacy worth following makes you accomplished in my book. idiots make money. just as the kardashians! but to be accomplished just requires more. that's not to see that these guys aren't accomplished, or on their way to being awesome. i just don't think money alone matters too much.
so i guess to tie it in to the title, building a relationship on the basis of money will definitely get you started on the wrong foot. i definitely require more. like that you love people and love serving people as much as you love yourself!
so i'm gonna do better. tomorrow i'm going to the get motivated seminar. i don't think i need the motivation as much as the discipline to complete my tasks. but that brings me to the point of this blog. actually the title has little to do with my reason for blogging today. i had a conversation with my friend about men here being so accomplished at a young age. i found that interesting because she clearly equates financial wealth with accomplishment. i see it totally differently. so during conversation i pointed out that many of the men do well financially because of their chosen field. but they aren't decision makers on their jobs and they aren't actively serving in their community. leaving a legacy worth following makes you accomplished in my book. idiots make money. just as the kardashians! but to be accomplished just requires more. that's not to see that these guys aren't accomplished, or on their way to being awesome. i just don't think money alone matters too much.
so i guess to tie it in to the title, building a relationship on the basis of money will definitely get you started on the wrong foot. i definitely require more. like that you love people and love serving people as much as you love yourself!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
out with the old
i'm in a refreshing kind of mood. i'm ready for fresh, new and different in all aspects of my life. new fitness and eating habits, new look and feel to my personal space, new job and renewed passion for writing. life is incredibly short and can be taken away at any time. i don't want to waste the time i have. it is my desire to live to be at least 111 like bilbo baggins. mostly because i want to have a banging hundred and eleventeenth birthday just like him. fireworks, food, drink, dance, the whole nine! but just in case my days aren't as long on this earth, i want my time to count.
i've been toying with the desire to return to dance. i miss ballet. you have no idea. and i found a great studio here called westlake dance that i really want to join. i just have to make the sacrifice in my budget to make it happen. but in the meantime, i'll do my p90 and beach body insanity along with running, hiking (now that the weather is improving!) and spin class.
i'm excited to see how this second half of the year plays out. so much to do. so much to achieve. so much to see. so much to be thankful for. i'm on a mission to make my life awesomeness squared.
i've been toying with the desire to return to dance. i miss ballet. you have no idea. and i found a great studio here called westlake dance that i really want to join. i just have to make the sacrifice in my budget to make it happen. but in the meantime, i'll do my p90 and beach body insanity along with running, hiking (now that the weather is improving!) and spin class.
i'm excited to see how this second half of the year plays out. so much to do. so much to achieve. so much to see. so much to be thankful for. i'm on a mission to make my life awesomeness squared.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
operation new job
i set a goal today to have a new job come july. it's not that i'm miserable at my current job. i used to be. but then my old boss quit and things changed for the better. but i still feel like my job is slowly killing my spirit. actually, it might be swiftly killing my spirit. either way, the environment is not good for me. and i know that if you don't like something in your life you change it.
i prayed for the environment to change or for me to change while i was there and both happened. i changed my attitude and then god changed the environment. now i am looking to change the job. i want a position that more matches my passion and interests. it's been my goal to find a job at microsoft because i believe in supporting local small businesses. lol. but honestly, i live in seattle and i'm a technofile. i should be working at microsoft! i know a lot of people that work there. so far, it hasn't resulted in so much as an interview, but thankfully god is a master networker. he is a master of opening doors that don't seem to open through my own means. he also knows how to connect me to the right people to make things happen. i'm totally trusting and believing that come july, i'll be starting a new position and it will challenge me and push me in all the good ways. i'm capable of doing more and i want to be somewhere that won't say no to innovation or creative thinking that moves beyond the comfort zone. i think bigger than i'm allowed to at work. i want to grow. and i want to be rewarded for being strategic and innovative and creative and a risk taker. so, operation new job. it's starting now!
i prayed for the environment to change or for me to change while i was there and both happened. i changed my attitude and then god changed the environment. now i am looking to change the job. i want a position that more matches my passion and interests. it's been my goal to find a job at microsoft because i believe in supporting local small businesses. lol. but honestly, i live in seattle and i'm a technofile. i should be working at microsoft! i know a lot of people that work there. so far, it hasn't resulted in so much as an interview, but thankfully god is a master networker. he is a master of opening doors that don't seem to open through my own means. he also knows how to connect me to the right people to make things happen. i'm totally trusting and believing that come july, i'll be starting a new position and it will challenge me and push me in all the good ways. i'm capable of doing more and i want to be somewhere that won't say no to innovation or creative thinking that moves beyond the comfort zone. i think bigger than i'm allowed to at work. i want to grow. and i want to be rewarded for being strategic and innovative and creative and a risk taker. so, operation new job. it's starting now!
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