how do you know

knowing is half the battle. that's what g.i.joe said. is he right? i find that i have a need to know things. i like to know how the story ends before i arrive at the actual ending. i want to know how things will play out because i don't want to be surprised at the end. i need to know what is coming next in my life because i want to be prepared. some call it a need to be in control. maybe it is. but i just want to know. generally, i just need to know!

how do you successfully navigate life when there are things you don't know? for instance, how do you know when to give your heart to someone and it will work out in the end? how do you know when it's time to walk away from something and it's okay to walk away? how do you know when a friendship has reached the end of its season? how do you know when you are making the right choice when making a major decision in life? how do you know?

my need to know and my doubt about when i know are mortal enemies. i don't find myself stalling on making decisions often because i don't know something. i usually go ahead and make a decision and hope for the best regardless of having all the facts or not. but i prefer to know for sure. i like certainty. absolute certainty is amazing. life doesn't work that way though. there are times when i will have to make a decision even when i don't have all the answers. the question is how can i make the best decision with the information i have, and how can i be at peace with it.

i have done some crazy things in my life that most would consider drastic. i've moved to a coastal city without a job or friends or somewhere permanent to stay. it's always worked out. i trust that things will usually work out in the end. they always do. but what if they don't? how do you know? there is actually only one area in my life that seems to never work out in my favor. love. cry me a river, right? everyone has been burned by love at some point. we all have the capacity to be horrible to each other and our relationships show it. but i want to be better. i need to be better. i just have one question. how will i know that this area will improve? i want to someday be married. i want to start a family. so far, nothing is happening in that area. well, there have been false starts. and i wish i had known how it would end so i could have avoided it altogether. that's the thing about not knowing. you can't prevent stuff. but maybe there are some things worth experiencing. life without love is no life at all. but there is also no such thing as love without heartache.

how do you know if something is right? maybe you just do. or maybe you can't know. either way, you still move forward. i have discovered i'd rather move forward and be wrong than not move forward at all because i wasn't sure if i was right.