it all comes together

writing my first post of the ninth month of this year and let me tell you, i'm in new territory. so much in my life is in flux. i've made a few decisions that have taken stability/structure out of my life in many ways, but heightened it in other areas. i feel blessed and nervous at the same time. so much can happen and i'm expecting so much to happen. where do i begin?

my sissy is home from the hospital and i'm so glad that when i left her she was looking strong and healthy. i am believing god for a miracle for her because if there is no miracle, my sister dies. that's all there is to it. and i can't ... i can't fathom that reality. i know people die from cancer every day, and i know people beat cancer's ass everyday. my sissy is a fighter and she will beat this. i'm not sure how i can give her strength to fight but i know there are things i can do to help. stepping my prayer life up is just the beginning. i want to do a fast but i don't take that lightly. i need to prepare for it. but i think it's definitely necessary. god is faithful and i expect to see his faithfulness in my family's life. all things are possible to those who believe.

now for the other areas of my life in flux. transition. i like transition more. i'm making some major changes when it comes to who i let have my time. i've discovered some people just don't mean me any good. or they bring constant chaos into my life. i've been wrestling with it because i don't like broken relationships but at the end of the day it's a pride thing and i can't let pride rule my life. god always has the final say and when he speaks i want to listen. i don't know for sure but all signs point to so long farewell. in the meantime, i'm perfectly fine living life and focusing on things important to me and not letting other people steal my time. i have so much to do right now and i need to be focused on me. it seems like my friends had no problem erasing me from their life. i'm the one that finds that hard to do. but it's not going to matter now. iron sharpens iron. friends sharpen friends. that's what i'm on now. that means some people get cut. i'm okay with it. took a while to get here but i'm okay with it.

finally, i have to get stuff in order for this writing career. my five-year plan is to be a full time writer. i know they tell you not to expect much from your first novel, but that doesn't make sense to me. i serve a god that owns the cattle on a thousand hills. why in the world would i expect to not experience his favor when i publish my book? i know that if i do my part, he always does above and beyond on his end. not gonna limit him or myself! so, gotta get things in order. this book is important. and i want it to be told well. so i'm writing more and doing exercises and now i need to discover my tone so i can check out other authors that flow in that tone. i need some writing mentors lol. i'm getting it all together because i'm very much aware that when it's all said and done, my steps are ordered and as such it all comes together.