this week has been somewhat hard for me emotionally. i don't even want to talk about it now. i keep having these conversations in my head about a specific subject because my heart is heavy about it. but right now, i'm not sure i can voice my feelings completely. so i roleplay in my head wondering what words will have the most impact while doing the least damage. not sure that's even possible.
it's very metacognitive of me to try to process how i am processing this very hard thing. i want to ease the pain of it all because i don't like pain. no one does. i'm desiring a better the next time around but i realize i have to process through this situation. and so i'm roleplaying in my mind as i wait for the opportunity to let it play out in real life. i have no idea what will happen. i joke that god is a sucker for a good story and that's why we have such dramatic stories but really, i wouldn't mind if this particular area was strictly by the book.
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