to be all there

a few days ago my mom asked me a question and i have yet to answer her. i have no idea what to say. she asked me what it meant to me for her to be all there for me. it caught me off guard. first she sent the text at 4 something in the morning. i was definitely not awake and it startled me from my sleep way too early. second, it was out the blue. there was no prior conversation to hint this was on the way. lastly, i have no idea what that would look like because i've never thought about it.

my mom and i have an interesting relationship. probably more common than not. we love each other but we fight. we could never live together as adults at all. and we disagree on many things - mostly her belief that she has a say in things going on in my life. but she's my mother and she's made so many sacrifices for me to achieve my goals. i want to honor my mother. she is deserving of that honor. but i want there to be boundaries. i feel like we wouldn't have many of our issues if i were married. because i'm single, it seems like my mom still sees me as her baby who needs her mom. i'm 32. i don't need my mom. and i'm far from being a baby. i've lived successfully on my own for a while. lol. i'm the head of my household. i call the shots. i make the decisions. i live with the consequences. i want my mom to accept that and respect me as an adult. i want her to seek happiness independent of my life choices. i want her to pursue her goals and desires with reckless abandon to make up for all the sacrifices she had to make as a single mother with three kids. i know she was overwhelmed. but now is her time. i don't understand why she's not focusing on enjoying it.

that's honestly what i want for my mom. to know she's living her life to the fullest and going after what she wants. i want her blessed and provided for and walking in fullness of joy. i don't want her over concerned about me. i'm going to have to answer her question soon and i'm still not sure what to say. i want my mom to understand how much i love her. but that doesn't mean we have to be each others whole life. how do you say that to the woman that gave you life?