unfinished business

closure. most people seem to think you can't move on in life without getting closure from things in your past. i'm not sure i fully agree with that. or i guess, i think you can get closure independent of the person or situation causing you grief.

i might have a few things needing addressing in my life. a little unfinished business if you will. it hasn't kept me from moving on but i find myself wondering sometimes. did i handle it correctly? what could i have done differently? is it really finished or will it come back at some point? if you love someone/something let it go and if it comes back then that's how you know? is it true? do things ever come back? or is it once gone, forever gone?

things are good now. not completely what i was expecting for my life at this stage, but i'm good. i have a birthday coming up in a few weeks and i'm super excited to be moving into my 33 year of life. i have no idea what the future will bring. i can tell you what i want; what i'm expecting to happen. i'd like to meet and fall in love with my hubby. i'd like to start the business of planning my family. i'd like to travel somewhere far away to enjoy more of the world. i'd love to be celebrating the publishing of my first book. exhale. it feels great to even ponder. i hope in my heart of hearts i'm not spending the next year of my life flying solo.

i wonder, does my proclamation that life is good coupled with my desire to share my life with someone make me seem, i don't know, phony? dishonest? it's a weird thing to be happy and longing for something at the same time. are you content when you still desire more? i don't want more assets or more things. i want love. real, pure, lasting love. i wouldn't be content with life if that never happened. is that wrong? actually, i don't care if it's wrong. it's what i feel. i never deny my feelings.

my business with him might be unfinished but it's not stopping me from moving on. not that moving on has proven very successful. i could have very well made a fool of myself recently. that's the problem with owning your feelings. sometimes you shouldn't verbalize it.