april fools day can be funny or annoying depending on what side of the joke you end up. reading through my facebook feed this morning i shook my head at the lack of originality in the pranks. i'm engaged! i'm pregnant! i got promoted! i'm moving to soandso! you get the picture. people use april fools to announce major life events in hopes of soliciting shock or excitement from friends and family.
the thing is that we should be excited about those kinds of announcements. the problem is that we make them jokes. is it because we want them so badly that we have to joke about the desire to escape the pain of the disappointment? i don't know if it's that deep for everyone but i know some people have waited so long that the very idea of them getting engaged is nothing more than a joke. that breaks my heart.
i have had my own personal struggle lately with trying to balance my desire to be married and enjoying my single life as it is. basically, i've come to the conclusion that after a decade plus of living the single life, i'm not really cut out for this. not sure how much longer i can last. i'm not alone because i hear it in my friends' conversations and see it in my twitter or facebook feeds. most adults are looking for love. notice i said most and not all. i know some people who are perfectly content in the single life and plan to stay there for a while. it's all about knowing what you want and where you are. nothing wrong with that. just like there's nothing wrong with wanting love.
i just hope that in my desire to balance singleness with desires to be married, i stay sane. some days i feel like a crazy person because i grow weary of the whole thing. why haven't i met "the one" as it were? why wasn't he ready for a commitment? why was the timing off? why did he choose her over me? i'm sure you've heard the same questions before. and in going through those situations, most women decide they don't want to be anyone's fool. they won't let the next man do them like the last man. i get it. but my strategy is to stay open. i haven't had my heart broken too many times because i am pretty selective with who i give it to. both men who had that privilege were great men. they just seemed to want something different. and in walking that out, i discovered more specifically what i wanted.
my requirements are still the same: love God, love me (in the appropriate time of course), love life and love people. that can look a lot of different ways but i'm confident i've found my prototype. i know what turns me on spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. i'm sure there are many areas to discover still, but i have a solid idea of what i want. and i'm confident i'll be chosen by the right man.
one day my mom told me she hoped i didn't fall for ishmael while i was waiting for isaac. i get what she's saying as i'm sure many single christian women have heard the same thing. but my problem with that is ishmael wasn't a bad man. and he was still a blessed man. the circumstances surrounding his birth were out of his control. to label him for the rest of his life because of that makes no sense to me. especially if we believe that all children are a blessing. so, while isaac might have been the promised child, ishmael was still a fulfilled promise in his own right. i'm sure people will disagree but to each his own.
i'm not a fool even though i might have acted foolishly at times (haven't we all?) and i know how to make good choices. i'm not sure why anyone would expect my love life to be any different. and when the time is right, i'll be more than ready to say "i pledge my life to you, to love you as christ loved the church, to serve you as the head of our house, my lover and my friend, today and always."
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