you can't stop my shine

i was sitting at my desk today thinking about some of the changes that have taken place in my life just this week. yes i know it's only tuesday but some stuff has turned around! i've been praying for an attitude change in me. i was miserable and i think i was making other people miserable. no one wants to be around a miserable person. heck i couldn't stand my self! but god has caused my countenance to change and other things have changed. it's like the entire atmosphere is ignited with change. and i'm grateful.

so as i sat at my desk working on some seo stuff i said to myself, you can't stop my shine, you can't knock my grind and you can't block what's mine! not really sure why that popped into my head but there it was clear as day. people say pregnant women have a glow about them. so do people in love. i guess i'm both. i'm in love with a god who loves me even when i'm miserably unlovable and i'm pregnant with vision. i've been able to refocus and recenter myself lately to remember what gifts god placed in me and exactly what that means for my future.

i started this year off thinking about my vision for my future. i've always been consumed by planning for my future, ever since i was a little girl. i mean i actually wrote out my life plan at 12. i was extreme, but i was serious. i've accomplished most of the things in that life plan. as they say in black america, ain't nobody got a thing on a woman with a plan! i've been revisiting my plan. some incomplete things actually left me feeling incomplete and as a result, i was all in my feelings. i seriously needed to be in somebody's sensitive corner! but my time with god lately has been on point. i've been open to getting healed in some areas, allowing the holy spirit to shine light in some other areas and submitting to the process that god has asked me to complete.

it's never easy saying yes to god because there is a price to be paid. usually, it's getting our own way. as humans, we're selfish and we like getting our way. but you can't have healthy relationships if you always want your way and have a fit when you don't get your way. i'm a middle child and i'm used to not getting my way, but i was also used to being invisible. that's a whole different story and one day i'm going to truly write about how devastating it is to feel invisible to everyone around you. in fact, it's one of the areas that i'm still healing from. the light was shined in that area and i'm willing to do the work.

but tonight i got a great word from god as i was basking in his presence. sometimes you just have to sit and soak! as i was soaking i got psalms 37. i read the entire chapter but versus 5-9 and 23-24 stood out. but verses 5 and 6 took my breath away. here god is directly saying he will cause me to shine. are you serious!!!!? i promise i can't make this stuff up. god is dope!!!! he speaks to exactly what concerns us and what is on our hearts. i honestly feel like god is causing me to shine. that can mean many different things but ultimately, it means i'm the apple of his eye - always! i fall short so much but he loves me anyway. and when he corrects me, it hurts but i line back up because his hand on my life sustains me. i know many don't feel that way and it breaks my heart. but better is one day in his court than a thousand elsewhere. who else is going to love you unconditionally? who else is going to welcome you back time after time even when you have broken their heart? who else is going to work all things for your good as you walk with him? i only know one, my abba, father, god. that gives me joy. and my joy makes me shine.