there is a popular website called f**k my life. i can't get down with that because my life is pretty awesome on most days. but there are some days where i'm just like, man this can't be my life. this can't be my reality. i mostly struggle with that in the area of love. how is it that love has become elusive? or exclusive. something that everyone can have but me? it doesn't make sense. and it's exhausting to still be having this conversation with God, myself, and my friends at this stage in life. it was supposed to be different.
we did everything right and at the end of the day that hasn't meant anything. why don't men get it together? why don't they recognize a good woman when they see one? why doesn't love just happen in real life like it does in the movies? i'm weary. i've grown weary and i'm not sure how much i can take. i'm not cut out for single life and i could understand if i'd never been single in my adult life. i could see needing a period of time to figure me out. but i know who i am. i know who God said i am. i know the woman i want to be five years from now. ten years from now. i know myself very well. that's why i can say tonight that i'm weary. and tired. and reaching out for hope when god has provided little.
what am i missing? what am i doing wrong? because this can't be the plan on purpose. a god who loves me as much as He does couldn't possible be okay with me feeling this miserable about the lack of love in my life. i'm a whole person. i'm not looking for someone to complete me. but i'm more than ready to meet someone i can build a life with. one that is greater than what i can do by myself. i want a family. why is that so damn hard?
this can't be my life.
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