you're awesome

have you ever gotten tired of hearing men tell you how awesome you are? usually, we are supposed to love when someone dotes on us or recognizes us. i'm not talking overboard, but when someone genuinely shows appreciation for you, you are supposed to enjoy that. usually i do. but lately, i've grown tired of hearing men tell me how awesome i am. no really, i'm amazing and great and all that. thank you. thank you for the compliments. but why am i amazing and great and awesome and still single?

i can ask that question because i guarantee i get asked all the time. i tune it out more than i acknowledge it. it just gets old. do you think i would be single if i knew the answer to why i was single? of course not. i'd work hard to address that issue and rectify the situation. some people like being single. i don't. i want to be married. if i knew the answer, i'd be on my way to marriage.

as it is, i'm not technically close to marriage. i mean, anything can happen and i don't know the future. i could meet a man this weekend that turns out to be my husband 12 months from now. we don't know. and i can't say it's not likely because that would be saying i know the future. i don't. anything is possible. so, i'm not technically close to marriage. but i am tired of being told i'm amazing but not quite "it."

i do love the compliments. i do love being acknowledge and appreciated. it's not my driving motivation for doing the things i do. thankfully, i was just made this way and it's who i am. but i wonder sometimes why who i am isn't good enough? or, why who he is isn't good enough for me. am i really that special that it's practically an act of god for me to have love? well it is an act of god, as i believe marriage is created by god, but you know what i mean!

i'm battling through these feelings because i can't let them consume me and occupy my thoughts while i'm out living my life. too busy. too much to do. yet, i still seek answers.