Pain is the inevitability of love. If you open your heart to someone, it is a huge possibility that it will be broken. That's just how it works. It sucks and the pain can really hurt deep and for a while, but it's part of the process. Trust me, I know a thing or two about it.
To be fair, my heart was only broken once. Since I've only been in love once, I think it balances out. Someone wise said that marriage is the closest thing to heaven and the closest thing to hell you will ever experience. I don't know for sure if that's true but I can imagine that being that close to someone could be a little like heaven and hell wrapped into one big messy ball of gush. Why are people in such a rush to walk down the aisle again?
Don't get me wrong, I want to get married and have that heaven/hell experience with the person that floats my boat just right. I just realize that I've never been in love with being in love. I don't want the romanticized version of it. I don't want the fairytale happy ending crap that is shoved down our throats. I deal in reality and it's a cold, cruel world out there waiting to shatter the fantasy of love and replace it with what it's really like to live with someone 24/7 and become one with them. It's not easy and everyone who thinks it is, is kidding themselves.
I am a product of divorce and that has always colored my views on marriage. I understand why my parents didn't stay together and I completely agree with the decision. I don't want the same thing for my family. My childhood was traumatic. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So I approach love with my eyes wide open. I'm not wearing rose colored glasses. I'm not dreaming of a knight coming to whisk me away. I'm not dreaming of finding the one person in the entire universe who makes me feel complete. Life is not a fantasy.
I want someone who loves me whether I'm having a good day or not. I want someone who can live with all my flaws and imperfections and love me in spite of that. It's not easy to find that kind of love. It's not easy to reciprocate that kind of love. But when you find it, that's what's real. You might get hurt in the process of searching for it, but when you find it, I hope you have more heaven than hell. And I hope you find new reasons each day to hold on to it forever.
