i'll be free to love you somewhere

wow. i am so amazed by what falling in love can do to a person! the giddy laughter, lightness of heart, pure joy and excitement at the prospect of seeing the person. it's all laughable when you think about it. yet, the feelings are so intense that people actually fall in love with the idea of being in love! i never understood before. i've been in love. once. it ended badly. we won't walk down that road. but nothing about that experience made me in a hurry to relive it.

yet here i am asking God and the universe to send me love that knocks me off my feet. and you know what? it's a pretty amazing feeling. who knew? well, i guess hollywood since they keep selling us the idea of kismet love in romcom after romcom. and then there are the fairytales who knew about the power of love. the point is that until now, i never did. the funny thing is that despite it ending badly the last go around, i have no fear about experiencing it now. it really can end horribly! i could end up crying my eyes out for weeks or months. i could be so distraught that i stop eating. i could spend an entire year reliving the experience. but even knowing that doesn't change my desire to fall in love. it might be dumb to admit this in a public forum but i'm already there. you can be witnesses to the fact that i am definitely in love. kind of seems like a roller coaster if you read the previous posts but i decided to stop letting the fear of rejection and unrequited love keep me from admitting my feelings now.

he might not be the one for me but trust me when i say i'm enjoying every bit of the time we spend together right now. he makes me laugh. we have great conversation. we have enough in common to spend a lifetime enjoying. we share a world view. we dream in a like manner. and we want a lot of the same things. i'm happy when we're together and i miss his smile and his voice when we're a part. i'd say i probably have it pretty bad. but i'm not ashamed of it anymore. in fact i'm enjoying it completely. and what's the crime in that?

love her like she wants to be loved

i happily purchased the new vivian green cd today. it's called beautiful and i have to say the title song is in fact beautiful. the girl has so much talent and i've been a fan since day one. let her make her way to seattle for a show and i guarantee that i'll be in the audience vibing with my girl. but the reason of this post is the lyrics to the song beautiful. she says something about loving her like she wants to be loved. wow. what a concept. to not only know how you want to be loved but to actually have someone love you that way!!!!

i don't know how i want to be loved to be honest. i want to be loved for who i am and not who i can become. i want to be loved inspite of my flaws and shortcomings. i want to be loved completely by the man that i love back. it doesn't seem like too much to ask and yet most people seem to find the process of finding love difficult. i'm in that category. i haven't found love though i'm actively pursuing it. but when i find it, i hope i have a clear understanding of how i want to be loved and that i'm able to communicate that. and i hope that my guy can say that i love him the way he wants to be loved as well. it is a two way street afterall.