give it up, turn it loose

the power went out at work today and left us with no internet connection. as the web girl it means i’m sitting at my desk with nothing to do but listen to the music in my itunes library and blog. so, i hit the shuffle button and leaned back to enjoy whatever tunes blasted through my earbuds.  what did i get but an old favorite by en vogue!


“fact of life, love can often hurt you. leaving scares on this life.” i actually don’t know what that last bit says because i can’t quite make it out but i will say that the first part is spot on! life is this crazy mix of all kinds of awesome and awful, miraculous and monstrosity, triumph and tragedy. you can be up one day enjoying the view from the top of the world and at the bottom the next with the world on top of you. things can change in the blink of an eye. it’s impossible to truly know what tomorrow brings. i used to spend a lot of time trying to plan tomorrow. thankfully i’ve learned to give that up. now, i just plan for tomorrow, no matter what it brings.

i make no secret of not being completely happy with how things have turned out in my life. overall things are great and i have little room to complain. but there are some very key areas that i saw going differently in my life plan. i just turned 32 and while i still look and feel fabulous, i was sure i’d be like many of my other friends and trading stories of what life was like before the kids came!

not only have the children not arrived, the husband has completely eluded me. it doesn’t quite make sense to me as i’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do if you want to get married. i look and dress the part, i stay busy and active, i’m healthy and financially secure and i get out there and meet people to increase my chances of connecting with a great man. so what’s the problem? i don’t know but i’m making it a point in the coming year to give it up and turn it loose. there is clearly no formula for success as people have found and lost love in all kinds of ways. my new motto is if i can’t control it, i can’t worry about it. i want to spend the next year of my life living worry free. it seems like a seriously daunting task as my nature as a planner includes worrying about things that lack a solution.

but no more. at least, i’m going to try to release my need to control and plan for it all.   i was somewhat successful at this in 2010. i want to take it to the next level in 2011. so, say it with me ladies; GIVE IT UP, TURN IT LOOSE!

i know how to make my dreams come true

there is a popular quote you might have heard that goes a little something like this, those who can, do .... i won't finish because i vehemently disagree with the second half of the quote. and basically it's unimportant. the point is that if you can, you do. if you can't, you don't. but how true is it?

right now i'm eager to make a few things happen in my life. and i keep hearing if you put it out there, it will come back to you. as if somehow me just wanting something to happen is going to make "the universe" conspire with me to make it happen. sounds a little too hocus pocus when you put it that way. but i believe there is some truth to it.

i am a christian. i don't apologize for it and i don't care to argue with anyone who disagrees with my belief that jesus christ is the son of God and the savior of the world. (yes superman totally ripped jesus' persona off, but i love him anyway!) as a christian i believe that my words are life giving and when i speak a thing, that word goes out and is accomplished. but there must be action on my part beyond speaking what i want. i have to do something to make it happen.

so as i think about the changes i want to see in my life, i make a plan to make my dreams come true. i know that it requires me to meet people and learn things and attend events and WORK! the universe doesn't care if i'm happy or unhappy. i have to make my own happiness. i have to go out and make my dreams come true. and the more i put it out there and back it up with action, the more likely it is to happen.

that is not to say things will always work out the way you want them to. on the contrary, a lot of things in my life have had completely different end results than i predicted. like me being single at 32! but that is the great thing about life. your story is being written until you take your last breath. and if you're lucky and lived right, your story is being told long after you're gone.

the year is quickly drawing to a close and i have to say there are some key steps i need to take to make my dream of advancing my career now a reality. i will be spending the next few weeks on the grind, so to speak, until i see the fruits of my labor. i'll be honest, i do know how to make my dreams come true, and right now, i'm about to get busy so you can see it happen!

birthday wish

tomorrow is my birthday and for the last five years i've had the same wish. i know they say if i tell you it won't come true so i'll give you a hint. it involves me spending the evening with a very special person and laughing and dancing and enjoying great food, conversation and company. you can probably guess what i've been wishing for! sadly each year that wish goes unanswered. not sure how i manage to not secure this particular event on my birthday but i will be honest and say the unfulfilled wish is getting old. i mean really!

i have once again made my wish and i hope it comes true. i'm closest to it happening this year than any year in recent history. it would be nice to actually get what i want for once. my friends and family always make sure i have a great birthday each year. but what my heart desires is something my friends can't give me and the absence of it has gotten harder to accept as the years pass.

popping the question is serious business

check out the whole comic here:
http://leighgallagherart.blogspot.com/2010/11/message-for-niki.html

a lot of women think about the moment when their honey dip will ask their hand in marriage. they fantasize and romanticize the moment in their minds and hope that he lives up to all their expectations. it's no wonder guys feel so much pressure about how to ask their lady to walk down the aisle.

the art of proposing has grown to new heights in our rapidly changing digital age. gone are the days of getting down on one knee at the park or slipping a ring in the dessert after a romantic dinner. no you have to get downright creative. and i don't mean asking for the ladies hand in marriage on the jumbotron at a sporting event or concert. i'm talking about programming a video game that asks for her hand in marriage. or crafting an elaborate web comic to pop the question.

i for one never gave it much thought. i'm a planner but believe that i need a non-planner to balance me out. i don't want the SITC charlotte proposal where she ends up popping the question herself. but it doesn't have to be a big production. i hope my honey takes clues from my personality and does something that fits who we are to each other. i'm more than a little geeky so comics and video games could be a part of it. so could cosplay. but really, any geeky reference will do. i've acknowledge that my journey to find love ends with me finding my 42. only a geek will understand the significance of that number. and it's my hope that my boo will understand the significance of personality when choosing how he asks me to spend the rest of my life loving him as his wife.

i don't think that's too much to ask for. do you?

let's get this show on the road

it's once again time to celebrate the glorious occasion of my birth. let me start by saying that i LOVE my birthday. i consider it to easily be the best day of  the year and it's a national holiday. score! because my birthday is toward the end of the year, i use it as an opportunity to reflect on what has happened in my life the current year and what i want to see happen in the coming year. yep, i get all introspective and stuff.

i enjoy doing internal check-ins with myself to make sure i'm staying on track with my goals, plans, dreams, etc. this year has been pretty interesting in all areas of my life. the area that seems to occupy the most thoughts, and is the theme of most of these posts, is my love life. i'm proud to say that it's not completely non-existent, but it's no where near what i was expecting for this year. i'm not fully disappointed but i'm far from happy/content with how things are looking. the year isn't over yet so we will see what happens. for now, just now i think it kind of sucks.

so looking to the coming year of life, as i get older and wiser, i expect things to be different. i know that a person who doesn't expect much won't be disappointed. so my expectation is always high that not only will my heart's desires be granted, they will also be exceeded. i'll be honest though, keeping hope alive isn't always easy. some days i get downright weary because i don't enjoy being single as much these days. i believe there is a season for it and my season is quickly drawing to a close.

let's hope i'm not on the wrong page this time because i'm ready for love. i'm ready to build a life with someone. i'm ready to get this show on the road!