what makes me so special

i think i stress how much i hate dating on a semi regular basis just to make sure people understand how awful i find dating. then i decided to change my language because if i know nothing else, i know our words are powerful and they bring life or death. to say i hate dating means i expect death. i now say i'm enjoying dating. well, that's probably a stretch. i'm enjoying getting to know people. that's more accurate.

getting to know someone means finding all the ways in which they are special and discovering all the areas they aren't. it means learning to be okay with those not so pleasant areas if you find yourself captivated by the good. let's face it. no one is perfect. as much as we try, we kind of suck sometimes.

i'm in the process of getting to know someone. for all intents and purposes he seemed promising. i was looking forward to getting to know what makes him special. my annoyance came in when he didn't seem to enjoy the thrill of discovery as much as me. honestly, he just seemed ready to get me in bed. i ain't never been that type. so this was a huge let down.

so i flipped the script on him and asked what made me so special that he wanted to get to know me that way. his answer was -- i cringe even now just thinking about it -- another let down. he likes what i presented. but don't we all tend to put our best foot forward when getting to know someone? shouldn't you be interested in digging beyond the surface to discover what a person's true character is?

we're all icebergs. the majority of our mass is hidden beneath the surface. the ultra cool parts, the truly ugly parts, the succulent sweet parts and the face-squenching bitter parts all lie beneath the surface. waiting to be explored. waiting to be discovered. i wanted him to be interested in discovering my character before he was interested in exploring my body.

the truly sad part was the comment that my belief in valuing myself as a gift worthy of cherishing somehow meant i was both unrealistic and unable to enjoy life. he is flawed in his thinking. my extremely full and active and joyous life is witness to my total enjoyment of all life has to offer.

they say the average couple has sex after only 3 dates. i'm not average. i'm exceptional. and i'm not alone. the only difference between other women and me is i know i'm exceptional. maybe no one has told them yet. i would like to be the one that tells you - yes you! you are indeed exceptional, valuable, beautiful, worthy to be cherished, special. let the next man that enters your life spend time discovering your character before he explores your body. he just might be the last man to get a first kiss from you. now wouldn't that be special!

The most natural thing in the world

I'm talking to my sisters on the phone and laughing at one who keeps threatening my life if I don't get my writing life right. I laugh because I can't argue with her. She's right. I do need to get it together. I am the lazy servant who buries her talent in the ground hidden and safe but not benefiting anyone or myself. Hidden and wasted from the world it was designed to bring joy and healing to. I know it. I've always known it. Tonight I laughed because I got chastised by my sister who only wants the best for me. I laugh because I have challenged her on things where her own hardheadedness blocked gods blessings. And now it's my turn.

I asked another sister as this conversation unfolded why she was blocked from writing. She mentioned being exposed. I thought about that. Am I afraid of being exposed and open? Actually no. I vowed to be open and transparent. I try to own all of my experience as it's a part of me. I'm not afraid of feeling exposed. Im not sure what the real deal is but I'm going to spend time figuring it out. Why do I avoid writing when it's the most natural thing in the world for me? I need find the answer to that question.

I'm looking forward to discovering the story that is first on the list. There are so many!

somethings should definitely change

i just spent the weekend with my soul sisters at our college reunion and we had such a great time. of course we wish it could have lasted longer but it won't be long before we're able to take week long vacations with each other and maybe our families. the joy of growing up with people is you get to see the changes and growth as the years go by. it's truly a beautiful thing to witness how we have all gone from 17 or 18 year old girls ready to break free and explore the world to amazing 30s comfortable with who we are,our place in the world and our plans for world domination. i love the women we have become. and i love the ways we will continue to grow.

that said, i was sad to learn at our reunion that not everyone has been on a journey of growth. i guess it's not surprising because not everyone recognizes that somethings should definitely change. personally, when i discover something is not working, i look at my role in it and come up with a plan for change. growth is beautiful. not everyone agrees. i can accept that. it is just sad to see it in action. carrying around that much anger, bitterness, etc., just means you have a huge chip on your shoulder that keeps you from 1) being free and 2) enjoying life!

i told the world when the year started that i'm moving forward in all areas of my life. i'm talking about living in abundance and that place where my cup runs over with goodness! i'm all about sharing out of the overflow. you can't live in the overflow when you're holding on to the sour, old, staleness of the past. i believe she's a good person. she has a good heart. my prayer is that she opens her heart to receive goodness. that she forgives those who wronged her. that she releases herself from bondage. that she embraces the fruits of the spirit. joy, love, peace, kindness, longsuffering, etc.

somethings should definitely change and feeling the need to be right or check people or call them out all the time, that's immature and ridiculous! i mean really, smile, GOD LOVES YOU! and when you smile the whole world smiles back. everyone should try it!