have you ever heard someone say you can't see the forest for all the trees? it seems like an odd statement considering a forest is made up of trees but i guess what they are saying is that sometimes you focus on the individual components and ignore the big picture. i like to think i'm a big picture girl. i'm always looking down the road and thinking of how my actions today will determine my future. i guess you could say i'm stuck on seeing the forest while ignoring the individual trees.
i can't say which is better since i'm sure there is a lovely colloquialism that says the exact opposite and therefore proving the dominance of neither saying. but i do wonder, is it bad to always see the big picture. should you spend some moments enjoying the view of each tree? what value is gained from being able to see what is right in front of you?
my friends have been trying to get me to meet new guys since my "relationship" with my last interest didn't pan out. they insist there are great men out there just waiting to meet me. in actuality, i can't argue with that statement completely. yes, there are many men available in the area and yes some of them are actually looking for someone, but it all falls apart when it comes to the meeting process. is it because i fail to see what is right in front of me? are there decent guys in my life right now who are showing interest but i have yet to realize it?
i'm inclined to say no. of course i would notice if someone was trying to get my attention, right? i might be guilty of not sharing their interest but i'm not completely clueless. or at least i'd like to think i'm not clueless. i guess that remains to be seen.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
come by accident, stay on purpose
i was trolling my facebook news feed when i read my cousin's status. it was intriguing enough to make me pause and think - is that was really what love should be? i know you're wondering what her status said so i'll share: i want a person who comes into my life by accident and stays on purpose.
not astrophysicist stuff but it's pretty profound to me. i guess because i'm always hearing people say i found love when i was least expecting it. which, by the way, sounds ridiculous to me because i don't ever go through a day without a level of expectation for the things i want. but maybe what they really mean is they expected love to find them, they just weren't actively seeking it. makes more sense to me and we'll just say that's what they really mean.
so, back to my cousin's statement. are we all really just going through life like ships passing each other in the night and hoping for chance encounters that bring that special someone into our lives? do we want someone to "accidentally" enter our space and discover by happenstance they are exactly what we've been expecting without expecting it forever?
i like to think i'm an intentional person. i intentionally get out to meet and mingle with people. i intentionally engage others in conversation. i intentionally cultivate relationships with people. is it possible that i've been doing things wrong all along? chances are things aren't stacked against me as there isn't anything wrong with being intentional. but i've had a few chance encounters with people who have added greatly to my life whether short-term or long-term. and there are others who have become a part of my life in a way i can only describe as fate. they were supposed to be there. i can't say at this time which is better: accidental encounter or kismet encounters.
either way, i have to agree that i want someone in my life who chooses to stay on purpose. particularly when we're discussing love. i don't want to love someone who doesn't want to be there. i want my love story to be a lifetime of love rather than the starter marriage type stuff that plaques society today.
however, he comes into my life, i just want him to love me on my good days, my bad days, my pretty days, my ugly days and all the days in-between.
not astrophysicist stuff but it's pretty profound to me. i guess because i'm always hearing people say i found love when i was least expecting it. which, by the way, sounds ridiculous to me because i don't ever go through a day without a level of expectation for the things i want. but maybe what they really mean is they expected love to find them, they just weren't actively seeking it. makes more sense to me and we'll just say that's what they really mean.
so, back to my cousin's statement. are we all really just going through life like ships passing each other in the night and hoping for chance encounters that bring that special someone into our lives? do we want someone to "accidentally" enter our space and discover by happenstance they are exactly what we've been expecting without expecting it forever?
i like to think i'm an intentional person. i intentionally get out to meet and mingle with people. i intentionally engage others in conversation. i intentionally cultivate relationships with people. is it possible that i've been doing things wrong all along? chances are things aren't stacked against me as there isn't anything wrong with being intentional. but i've had a few chance encounters with people who have added greatly to my life whether short-term or long-term. and there are others who have become a part of my life in a way i can only describe as fate. they were supposed to be there. i can't say at this time which is better: accidental encounter or kismet encounters.
either way, i have to agree that i want someone in my life who chooses to stay on purpose. particularly when we're discussing love. i don't want to love someone who doesn't want to be there. i want my love story to be a lifetime of love rather than the starter marriage type stuff that plaques society today.
however, he comes into my life, i just want him to love me on my good days, my bad days, my pretty days, my ugly days and all the days in-between.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
stuck in the middle
i can use any number of words and phrases to describe precisely how i am feeling at this moment but only need four words to do the trick. i am completely and totally stuck in the middle. i can't say with any degree of certainty what the middle consist of but i can guarantee you i'm stuck there. and quite miserable about it.
i've lived in seattle for two years and love it. the place holds a kind of magic for me because it's the first place i've ever felt at home. i know that sounds crazy coming from a black girl born and raised in kansas city missouri - the heart of the country. yet, it's true. seattle gets me. i don't have to be anybody or anything other than myself. i can fly my geek flag with pride and reckless abandon because i'm surrounded by other geeks who do the same. i'm an avid outdoor girl and nature is proudly on display in all of its majestic splendor here. sometimes i cry as i look around and take it all in.
but there are some things in my life that are missing. this list is in no particular order: family, fulfilling career and love. i am really far away from my family. sure i've made friends that i like to think are close to family but the truth is they don't quite fill that void. some days, i don't feel like i receive from them as much as i give. it doesn't make them bad people at all, or bad friends for that matter. it is just apparent that we don't meet each others needs the same way. i'm always available to talk and help in any way i can but it seems like many of my friends are in places in their life where they need more than they can give. as a giver, i'm always down to do my part. but some days i need to be poured into and i'm not sure i've found a place for that just yet.
my career is really the heart of my stuckness. i've been working in my field for 8 years and i love what i do. technology and communications are my passions and how awesome is it that you get to work in the field that gives you such passion and pleasure? the problem lies in the fact that i'm not advancing right now. in fact, i'm rather bored. i'm not being challenged or engaged and it makes getting through my day to day as bad as watching paint dry. it just seems to suck all life right out of me. i've been trying to find ways to get excited and new projects to pitch but after two years of that, the well has run dry. i need change like i need air to breathe.
the love department is a huge conundrum of bad timing. i can't seem to get the timing thing right. i've met a man that i absolutely adore. and he has admitted to caring about me but he's not in a place where he can act on that right now. in my mind that amounts to nothingness. the admission of having feelings and caring means nothing. might as well have remained unsaid as far as i'm concerned. but it leaves me wondering, how do i manage to suck at love? it just shouldn't be this hard. you should be able to meet someone and connect with them and it should happen organically. but it doesn't seem to work that way and i'm exhausted by the prospects of more years of being stuck. i just want it to happen already!
i'm not all out frustrated with my life. there are some great things going on in my world that i wouldn't trade. but there are some key elements that seem stuck in limbo and i'm not sure what my plan of action should be to fix them. see, i'm a planner and i like having a plan. i also like to solve problems because i enjoy the challenge and the reward of knowing i fixed something that was broken. i just find it ironic that sometimes i lack the insight/clarity to fix the problems that hit home. i have no idea how to get unstuck and it's starting to bum me out. to quote the late great michael jackson, i'm stuck in the middle. can i get a little help here?
i've lived in seattle for two years and love it. the place holds a kind of magic for me because it's the first place i've ever felt at home. i know that sounds crazy coming from a black girl born and raised in kansas city missouri - the heart of the country. yet, it's true. seattle gets me. i don't have to be anybody or anything other than myself. i can fly my geek flag with pride and reckless abandon because i'm surrounded by other geeks who do the same. i'm an avid outdoor girl and nature is proudly on display in all of its majestic splendor here. sometimes i cry as i look around and take it all in.
but there are some things in my life that are missing. this list is in no particular order: family, fulfilling career and love. i am really far away from my family. sure i've made friends that i like to think are close to family but the truth is they don't quite fill that void. some days, i don't feel like i receive from them as much as i give. it doesn't make them bad people at all, or bad friends for that matter. it is just apparent that we don't meet each others needs the same way. i'm always available to talk and help in any way i can but it seems like many of my friends are in places in their life where they need more than they can give. as a giver, i'm always down to do my part. but some days i need to be poured into and i'm not sure i've found a place for that just yet.
my career is really the heart of my stuckness. i've been working in my field for 8 years and i love what i do. technology and communications are my passions and how awesome is it that you get to work in the field that gives you such passion and pleasure? the problem lies in the fact that i'm not advancing right now. in fact, i'm rather bored. i'm not being challenged or engaged and it makes getting through my day to day as bad as watching paint dry. it just seems to suck all life right out of me. i've been trying to find ways to get excited and new projects to pitch but after two years of that, the well has run dry. i need change like i need air to breathe.
the love department is a huge conundrum of bad timing. i can't seem to get the timing thing right. i've met a man that i absolutely adore. and he has admitted to caring about me but he's not in a place where he can act on that right now. in my mind that amounts to nothingness. the admission of having feelings and caring means nothing. might as well have remained unsaid as far as i'm concerned. but it leaves me wondering, how do i manage to suck at love? it just shouldn't be this hard. you should be able to meet someone and connect with them and it should happen organically. but it doesn't seem to work that way and i'm exhausted by the prospects of more years of being stuck. i just want it to happen already!
i'm not all out frustrated with my life. there are some great things going on in my world that i wouldn't trade. but there are some key elements that seem stuck in limbo and i'm not sure what my plan of action should be to fix them. see, i'm a planner and i like having a plan. i also like to solve problems because i enjoy the challenge and the reward of knowing i fixed something that was broken. i just find it ironic that sometimes i lack the insight/clarity to fix the problems that hit home. i have no idea how to get unstuck and it's starting to bum me out. to quote the late great michael jackson, i'm stuck in the middle. can i get a little help here?
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
i knew i loved you before i met you
a lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love. i get it. love is like magical fairy dust that makes everything brighter, lovelier, more enjoyable. but i know that love can also make you miserable and angry. why? because when you love someone you love their good and their bad. or, at least you love their good while accepting their bad. the trade-off is supposed to be worth it in the end.
i won't argue with that. the right person can add so much to your life in positive ways that you can get through the hard times without walking away. i can only speak for myself but i have come to realize that i too am in love with an idea of the person i want. this man already has the key to my heart and only needs to materialize to unlock it. who is he?
i don't actually know who he is. i mean, i thought i did but you know, we can be wrong. but i'm waiting, patiently as i can, for the man that gets me. who understands that i'm not like other women. i like to be sexy but not really into the girlie thing. i enjoy sports and prefer action and scifi and cosplay for comic cons and read comic books and love to play video games. i volunteer all the time because giving back to my community is one of the most important things to me. i can grow my own food or catch it and cook it and keep a house. i read and write and dance and paint and live for time outdoors. i'm far more sensitive than people realize and my feelings do get hurt even if i don't show it.
i'm strong but want to be taken care of. i plan religiously but can enjoy being in the moment with the person that has my heart. i love to laugh and enjoy everything about life. i can appreciate the simple things and spending quality time together goes much farther than showering me with gifts. i'm fiercely loyal and even when i get angry i don't stay that way long. i'm quick to forgive and believe that walking in compassion and love is the best way for me to reflect my faith and belief in Christ. i know a lot but realize i don't have all the answers. i'm a natural cheerleader and no one will believe in you more than me. but most important, i want a love that lasts forever -- through good and bad, sickness and health, ups and downs, rich or poor. i have no desire to walk away and need that same commitment.
i won't argue with that. the right person can add so much to your life in positive ways that you can get through the hard times without walking away. i can only speak for myself but i have come to realize that i too am in love with an idea of the person i want. this man already has the key to my heart and only needs to materialize to unlock it. who is he?
i don't actually know who he is. i mean, i thought i did but you know, we can be wrong. but i'm waiting, patiently as i can, for the man that gets me. who understands that i'm not like other women. i like to be sexy but not really into the girlie thing. i enjoy sports and prefer action and scifi and cosplay for comic cons and read comic books and love to play video games. i volunteer all the time because giving back to my community is one of the most important things to me. i can grow my own food or catch it and cook it and keep a house. i read and write and dance and paint and live for time outdoors. i'm far more sensitive than people realize and my feelings do get hurt even if i don't show it.
i'm strong but want to be taken care of. i plan religiously but can enjoy being in the moment with the person that has my heart. i love to laugh and enjoy everything about life. i can appreciate the simple things and spending quality time together goes much farther than showering me with gifts. i'm fiercely loyal and even when i get angry i don't stay that way long. i'm quick to forgive and believe that walking in compassion and love is the best way for me to reflect my faith and belief in Christ. i know a lot but realize i don't have all the answers. i'm a natural cheerleader and no one will believe in you more than me. but most important, i want a love that lasts forever -- through good and bad, sickness and health, ups and downs, rich or poor. i have no desire to walk away and need that same commitment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)